FRIENDSHIP and DISEASE -- part 1

Picture courtesy of Ralitza Tchiorniy

                          FRIENDSHIP and DISEASE -- part 1

This blog post is about relationships with friends.  

Social media, or my favorite "Facial Book," a.k.a. Face Book has sucked out any intimacy out of communication with my friends. I can barely keep up with what the short answers to my questions mean. Does "Yes" in a text mean you are upset with me, or we are OK? I have to read the previous text. Should the answer "Let's talk about it!" mean talk about your "Yes" or your "No?" Does "Like" mean anything at all?

In the process of making friends (yes, it is a process,) I learned the rules of the social media and the new way of communication.

Living in a "foreign country" creates its conundrum of rules when creating friendships. What do you keep a secret, what is discussed in public -- I did not know. I came from a European  environment where "Hi! How are you doing?" was a signal to stop and talk about your life, your kids, everything important to you. The friend listens and does the same. After years of living in U.S.A., I realized that no one cares at this stage of the conversation about these details. S/he will be 3 blocks away from you, or 5 text messages away from you, until I finish my response. O.K., I got it. Now, I just say "Hi." I do not even bother to go into the 'what I am doing' part. If I am asked another question, then I know, "It is time for a more involved conversation."

Building a lasting friendship is never easy. It does not mean that the people in the group of two or more have to think alike -- they have to be able to function and understand each other; they need this invisible link, which attracts them constantly regardless of distance and time.

I always make baby steps in building a friendship. I am not the type to have hundreds and thousands of them. What would I do with so many? I will not have time to listen to their success stories, nor their problems. How can I encourage them? I will probably forget their names; I will not meet them daily. There will be no need to talk about "no wrinkles on my pictures" either.

By the way, I chose the giraffes' pictures by Ralitza Tchiorniy for several reasons: they are graceful and beautiful. This is how I see my real friends. We do not discuss our looks. I will always see them looking the way they looked the day I met them. Another part of the giraffes' looks -- they are the tallest living terrestrial animals, who have also the longest necks. When they fight, they smack each others necks. Isn't that what you would like to do sometimes with your friends? Very gently, a smack on the neck... Finally, they have big hearts to allow the blood to climb up the long neck. They fight but not to death. Some "necking" is good enough to determine the winner.  If one of them sees danger, s/he communicates to the other one, then both look in the same direction and protect each other.

Friendship assumed a totally different look when I got sick. I have a sickness for life. The friends changed faster, than me. In the second part, I will introduce you to them.


To be continued. ...